1. |
Goner
03:33
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I know that you don’t like me and that’s okay
I know you don’t think about me, yeah I feel the same
that night you called me a goner and I’m still here
but I don’t think I’ll stick around another year
I took a walk downtown in the summer heat
I bought myself iced coffee and I stopped to read
I felt so independent out on my own
then I looked up and saw you laughing on the phone
feel like I’m running in circles but I’m standing still
don’t think I’ll make it but keep telling myself that I will
the constant silence of my room will be my end
go to shows alone and know that I’ll be with my friends
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2. |
Bigger Mistakes
02:31
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I’ll stop saying I’m fine
when I start feeling okay
maybe I could feel great
if I could just say the things
I’ve been wanting to say
it’s fucked up
how I never miss you when you’re gone
and when you’re here sometimes
I feel nothing at all
let’s not get ahead of ourselves
you’re moving away
well maybe it’s just as well
yeah I think it’s time we call it in
I’m sorry my sense of commitment
isn’t as strong
as your parents’
I’ll stop saying I’m fine
when I start feeling okay
maybe I could feel great
if I could just say the things
I’ve been wanting to say
I’ll stop saying I’m fine
when I start feeling okay
maybe I could feel great
if I could just say the things
I’ve been wanting to say
like
how long should I have to wait
we’ve both held back premonitions and expressions of hate
and yeah we both knew it would end this way
but I know I’ve made bigger mistakes
yeah I know I’ve made bigger mistakes
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3. |
At Newark Airport
04:02
|
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I remember
sitting in your bedroom in Santa Cruz
the day I told you
that this would never be the same
we leave this town we leave the past and our friends behind
and it’s impossible to know what we’ll find
so what did you learn in the city
the skyline and the lights are all so pretty
but the ice in the street and the snow in our sheets has
made my bones brittle
my lungs feel little and it’s hard to breathe
and it’s hard to believe this could ever happen to me
I remember
at Lennox House saying goodbye
and on my drunk walk home I hung my head and cried
leaning on a fire hydrant on Chestnut Street
I hope my friend looks down on me
and I hope she knows I’ve missed her every day
and I hope she can hear as I call out her name
so what did you learn in the city
the skyline and the lights are all so pretty
but the ice in the street and the snow in our sheets has
made my bones brittle
my lungs feel little and it’s hard to breathe
and it’s hard to believe this could ever happen to me
I remember
at Newark Airport I almost thought you wouldn’t come back
so on New Jersey Transit back to Penn Station
alone in my room in my Brooklyn apartment
I waited for your name to light up my phone
and I fell asleep knowing you were back home
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4. |
Mood Lighting
03:28
|
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it’s almost three in the morning
and I feel like I’m just starting to get to know you
though I have known you for a long time
we’ve been sitting in this booth for hours
the lights around the town have long gone dark
and the bartender is yelling last call
you don’t wanna go back to your place
I don’t wanna go back to mine
you’ve got some things you’ve left unsaid
I’ve got problems I’m trying to hide
can we walk outside
through light pollution, empty streets
I count the times our faces meet
I put my arm around you
and our footsteps fall in sync
I wish I’d never left New York
I wish I’d never left New York
I want to see your face every day
I know I’m going home so far away
but I miss you when I’m with her
and I miss you when I’m alone
and i miss you when I’m on the phone with my dad
now we’re turning the corner to your apartment
my heart is racing, don’t know how to stop it
but I know better than to push it
I’m not just a friend
I am your friend
tell me something beautiful
I need to remember what it’s like
to feel vulnerable in someone’s arms
instead of just feeling tired
I’m not trying to seduce you
I’d just like to spend the night awake together
I think we can make each other better
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5. |
Cool Breeze
04:13
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living in our parents houses is getting old
all our friends moved out of our hometowns
it’s a forty minute drive into the city
I think I’d rather kill myself than look for parking
oh La Cienega, oh Sunset Strip
Laurel Canyon, the La Brea Tar Pits
a waxing moon over Griffith Park
think I could live here if I had a car
I drove to Orange County on a whim
to see you and fix this rut we’re in
I know it’s stressful wondering what comes next
it’s getting harder to keep trying my best
from our motel room we could hear the waves
we crash into each other and get displaced
things will be better soon, I know it’s true
so many great things will happen to you
we packed all of our stuff into your car
couldn’t see out the back windshield, hope the engine starts
at a rest stop north of Santa Barbara
we tried to feel the cool breeze of a new era
I crashed on couches for about three weeks
you started your new job in a neighboring city
now we’re just trying to make the pieces fit
waiting for that moment that tells you this is it
this is it, this is it
this is it, this is it
this is it, this is it
this is it, this is it
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6. |
Sincerity
03:17
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my friend died
three years ago today
I woke up and went to work
and then came home and I did nothing
fourth of July
managed to drink enough to speak
I tried to impress somebody
but I don’t think it is working
no I don’t think this is working
spilling my guts
on my therapist’s couch
for fifty bucks and hour
I can leave here feeling empowered
sip down a milkshake on the walk home
lie down let me get my phone out
three notifications
I’m feeling impatient
I am waiting for someone to call me
I am waiting for a message that says
please come over
I’ll meet you at the bar I’ll meet you at the show
just don’t leave me here alone
all my friends have
the most beautiful intentions
Amber’s telling me to listen to
Elliott Smith pre-Figure 8
and I think I almost get it
yeah it’s pretty fucking great
but no one wants to feel lonely
on a Tuesday
it’s your day off and the
grey finally cleared away
you can see across the whole bay
and you’re sitting on the cliff
because it has the clearest view
and the notion falls upon you like a flash flood
you’re here because this is what you wanted
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Practicing Sincerity Santa Cruz, California
queer post-punk shoegaze-y indie rock songs about mental health and self-
accountability
liv (they/them), fernly (she/her), steven (he/they), oan (they/them)
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