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Will We Feel This Way Forever

by Practicing Sincerity

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1.
Sincerity 03:28
my friend died three years ago today i woke up and went to work and then came home and i did nothing fourth of july managed to drink enough to speak i tried to impress somebody but i don’t think it is working no i don’t think this is working spilling my guts on my therapist’s couch for fifty bucks and hour i can leave here feeling empowered sip down a milkshake on the walk home lie down let me get my phone out three notifications i’m feeling impatient i am waiting for someone to call me i am waiting for a message that says please come over i’ll meet you at the bar i’ll meet you at the show just don’t leave me here alone all my friends have the most beautiful intentions amber’s telling me to listen to elliott smith pre-figure 8 and i think i almost get it yeah it’s pretty fucking great but no one wants to feel lonely on a tuesday it’s your day off and the grey finally cleared away you can see across the whole bay and you’re sitting on the cliff because it has the clearest view and the notion falls upon you like a flash flood you’re here because this is what you wanted
2.
Complicit 03:07
changing my bedding cuz you don’t sleep here anymore cleared out the beer cans we had drained and left on the floor walk around the neighborhood where we chased fireworks i’ve known heartache and hunger pains but somehow this feels worse and i knew it wouldn’t be easy it never has and it never will be but am i really so complicit repetitive defeat no longer listen to the songs you sent me while i am at work why does taking space for myself make me feel like such a jerk stopped watching the TV show that you recommended me even though i like it, it hurts so i guess i’ll just go to sleep cuz i don’t wanna think about you
3.
Goner 04:22
i know that you don’t like me and that’s okay i know you don’t think about me yeah i feel the same that night you called me a goner and i’m still here but i don’t think i’ll stick around another year i took a walk downtown in the summer heat i bought myself iced coffee and i stopped to read i felt so independent out on my own then i looked up and saw you laughing on the phone feel like i’m running in circles but i’m standing still don’t think i’ll make it but keep telling myself that i will the constant silence of my room will be my end go to shows alone and know that i’ll be with my friends
4.
when you’re so afraid of being alone you’d rather go out and force yourself to talk to people you don’t like and when you feel so sure the world would be better off without you do you want to be someone else or would you rather just not wake up or can you tell well lately every day feels like a hundred years i wanna give up hope i wanna disappear i wonder if anyone would miss me if i hopped on a bus away from here and would you rather spend your birthday flying on a plane or stuck in traffic on the 405 or brooklyn-bound again when you’re so afraid of being alone you’d rather go out and force yourself to talk to people you don’t like and when you feel so sure the world would be better off without you do you want to be someone else or would you rather just not wake up or can you tell
5.
Figure 04:15
i am looking for a place i’ve been before but nothing looks the same i turn down all the right streets but my eyes keep playing tricks on me has your figure lost its form has your figure lost its form i cannot find you anymore i cannot find you anymore on the j train back to the city the world was supposed to end you said the end is just a symbol for something we cannot understand but nothing could prepare me sitting restlessly alone when the news came through my phone has your figure lost its form has your figure lost its form i cannot find you anymore i cannot find you anymore that night in berkeley we sat in a circle and talked about how we could not believe and for three years after i’d wake up smiling but shaken from talking to you in my dreams but now so much time has passed does your spirit stay the same does the background draw nearer or does your vision slowly fade has your figure lost its form has your figure lost its form i cannot find you anymore i cannot find you anymore so when i get back to my apartment i pick three books off the shelf and i read my favorite passages out loud in the mirror to myself and i imagine you can hear me wherever you have found your place and then i put the books back on the shelf and just dance the night away has your figure lost its form has your figure lost its form i cannot find you anymore i cannot find you anymore
6.
it’s almost three in the morning and i feel like i’m just starting to get to know you though i have known you for a long time we’ve been sitting in this booth for hours the lights around the town have long gone dark and the bartender is yelling last call you don’t wanna go back to your place i don’t wanna go back to mine you’ve got some things you’ve left unsaid i’ve got problems i’m trying to hide can we walk outside through light pollution, empty streets i count the times our faces meet i put my arm around you and our footsteps fall in sync i wish i’d never left new york i wish i’d never left new york i want to see your face every day i know i’m going home so far away but i miss you when i’m with her and i miss you when i’m alone and i miss you when i’m on the phone with my dad now we’re turning the corner to your apartment my heart is racing don’t know how to stop it but i know better than to push it i’m not just a friend i am your friend tell me something beautiful i need to remember what it’s like to feel vulnerable in someone’s arms instead of just feeling tired i’m not trying to seduce you i’d just like to spend the night awake together i think we can make each other better
7.
can i text you from the bathroom at work that customer was such a jerk just want an excuse to talk to you will you meet me after class it makes me nervous just to ask cuz i’m not sure if i’m worth your time then i come home sit down at my desk and moan i am sinking into space can you see it on my face you can’t come out cuz of the rain i ran out of weed but that’s okay think it’s time to try something new my doctor prescribed me some pills so i’ll no longer want to kill myself if nothing else i guess that’s cool then i come home sit down at my desk and moan i am sinking into space can you see it on my face last december i thought i was gonna die and now just holding your hand i’ve never felt more alive and is this what being alive feels like is this what being alive feels like is this what being alive feels like i think i like it can i text you from the bathroom at work that customer was such a jerk just want an excuse to talk to you
8.
i’ll stop saying i’m fine when i start feeling okay maybe i could feel great if i could just say the things i’ve been wanting to say it’s fucked up how i never miss you when you’re gone and when you’re here sometimes i feel nothing at all let’s not get ahead of ourselves you’re moving away well maybe it’s just as well yeah i think it’s time we call it in i’m sorry my sense of commitment isn’t as strong as your parents’ i’ll stop saying i’m fine when i start feeling okay maybe i could feel great if i could just say the things i’ve been wanting to say like how long should i have to wait we’ve both held back premonitions and expressions of hate and yeah we both knew it would end this way but i know i’ve made bigger mistakes yeah i know i’ve made bigger mistakes
9.
Staying In 03:11
staying in on a friday night i don’t need your entertainment i can hear the people now and i’m fine hiding in the basement fireworks over the boardwalk and a parade through the city i’ve got everything i need here and there’s no one waiting for me and you wonder if i feel okay have i always been this way and i wonder if you feel the same as we watch each other’s faces change standing in the shower let the hot water run down my body i don’t think the soap’s enough to wash away the sins i’ve left behind me rearrange the items on my dresser easy distraction turn on the TV to drown it out but i’m not getting any traction and you wonder if i feel okay have i always been this way and i wonder if you feel the same as we watch each other’s faces change spend the rest of an afternoon trying to forget what you told me everything is permanent you can’t go back and change the story if i called to tell you i was sorry would it make it better or should i wait another year and we can talk about the weather
10.
we stayed up till 4am singing along to songs we didn’t understand when we were young, had never been in love well i guess this is growing up and when i held your hand that day i thought that things would be okay but now you’re sitting next to me my head hiding between my knees train rides and long drives, coast to coast sleeping in bedrooms filled with ghosts where every “i love you” reverberates their faces fill blank space so every new love that i find and every one i leave behind all fill a chamber in my heart do you remember how it starts and sometimes i think about that night in new york, glowing under street lights then i remember what happened next i swear we tried our best didn’t we try our best i spent a summer surviving off the kindness of others and it humbled me i moved across the country to escape the feeling you’d never let me be we’ve grown to inhabit such messy lies right before my eyes i saw my life disappear and re-materialize but it takes work constructive positive habits and not just borrowing against your own self-worth so hold my hand again we can’t escape the past but we can put it in its place my friend and we’ll rest assured i know we hurt each other but we were just doing our best or at least doing what we could will we feel this way forever will I regret my tattoos will I move back to new york will you go back and finish school will this house become a symbol of a time when life felt new when we leave will it be a part of us like i’m a part of you i remember how it felt saying “i love you” the first time i remember seeing you again years later down the line i know you’re a different person now you know that i’ve changed too but you’ll always be a part of me like ink stains turning blue

about

Practicing Sincerity is

Liv Kaproff - Guitar, Vocals
Fern Mueller-Tuescher - Guitar, Backing Vocals
Steven Kananen - Bass
Oan Lindblad - Drums

also featuring

Zahra Lucas Erickson - Backing Vocals
Grandpa's House Choir - Backing Vocals

this album was recorded between November 2020 and January 2021 almost entirely DIY, before the vaccine was available. drums and bass were recorded at District Recording in San Jose but all of the guitars and vocals were recorded by Liv in their basement and in the garage of Grandpa's House in Santa Cruz, CA.

Cassette tapes and CD's available through Lavasocks Records

lyrics to each song are available here on Bandcamp

(there is a bonus track if you download the album)

huge, immeasurable thanks to Ryan Halberg, Mike Nick, Izzy Kaufman, Jordie Washburn, and Lauren DiQuattro for playing in my band over the years and contributing your parts to these songs. this album would not be what it is without your input and i can't begin to tell you how grateful i am to have gotten to play music with you and to get to share these songs with the world.

all songs written by Liv Kaproff

mixed by Ryan Halberg

mastered by Ryan Lee

artwork by Saoirse Alesandro

credits

released July 27, 2022

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Practicing Sincerity Santa Cruz, California

queer post-punk shoegaze-y indie rock songs about mental health and self- accountability

liv (they/them), fernly (she/her), steven (he/they), oan (they/them)

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